toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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