he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
