dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
