Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
