My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
