So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
