he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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