I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
