White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
