Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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