I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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