remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
