so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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