shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
