I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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