is your mom at the bar?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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