I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
