so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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