just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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