i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My breasts were aching with rage.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
