i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
