So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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