So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
