thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
