I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Someone signed my nipple.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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