Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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