I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
