i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
