i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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