I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
