he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
