From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
