that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
