I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
