If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
