At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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