saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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