When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im about as happy as oj after his trial
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
