I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
