i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
