You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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