the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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