last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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