he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
