FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
