Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
