Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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