He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
