I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have fence marks all over my body
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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