the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
