I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
