You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
