I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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