census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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