If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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