Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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