But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
