nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize