Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
