My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
