I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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