I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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