Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
