i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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