It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
