i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
