I'm jealous of your bromance
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was CRYING into my vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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