Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
