Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
