I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
