it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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