There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
