everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
