i think my tv is drunk
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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