You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
