Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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