she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize