I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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