the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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