Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize