This house was built for laser tag.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
