wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
