I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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