I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You're like the curious george of whores
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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