dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
