I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
