if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize