She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
