I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
