Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
