I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
