He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
