You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize