before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
