I have demons in me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
