Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
