Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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