I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
