Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
