Sry I called you an 8
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
