so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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